Paris – Day 3

1. detox needs to happen immediately – my love for bread (as mentioned yesterday) has spun dangerously out of control today. croissants! baguettes! baguette sandwiches! olive bread! chocolate croissants! you tasty french nuggets are slowly destroying me. im happy to be leaving you soon, fresh cheese, sausages, bread, and desserts.

2. rue saint-honore (street of luxury retail shops) – you are also the devil. you make me feel like I actually have the purchasing power of a crazy chinese billionaire. just because i look like the asians that infiltrate these stores in herd-like fashion, I am nowhere near their level of $$$ money makers. actually, even the dude telling me paris mcds doesnt sell ice cream has more income than me right now. and alas, i sit here with buyers remorse after my latest big purchase. =X =O =( …. ­čÖé ┬átoday, I visited 0 museums and 4 chanel stores. perhaps i am the devil.

3. i let tears stream down my face because┬ái didn’t feel my bf cared.┬áthat sounds weird. i know he loves me but i dont feel loved. i told him im emotionally unfulfilled and he didn’t get it. we fought over it and then i told him i felt isolated. i dont wnt to get into it now but i meant emotionally isolated. he fired back with the fact that i was the one that decided to go to europe, and hes just in US doing his thing, what else can he do? its a long story with nuances. I began to feel frustrated by our lack of communication skills and me having to ASK for love. it’s weird. so i started googling “emotionally unfulfilled” and came across a shit ton of articles, Q&As, forums, etc. some of the posts were extremely relatable and in many ways helped me feel less alone. sadly, many of them also described my situation and how breaking up was one of the best decisions. I wondered how we could “fix” it or at least get better. Then I came across this article : I skimmed it at first but then read it thoroughly. I think it kinda helps to lay out what needs to be done from both of our vantage points (but still, mainly the maybe thats why i like it). I debated whether or not to send it to him because i didnt want him to think he is “immature” or think im blaming him. ┬áthankfully he didnt take it that way. he said it helped him understand a little of where i was coming from and apologized for being “emotionally immature”. UGH we have a long ways to go.

4. final round interviews coming up – eek. not ready. not ready. NOT READY