in marketing, they teach us to NOT think of yourself as the consumer. don’t assume that what drives your purchase behavior is identical to the reasons that drives others’ purchase behavior. it would be arrogant to think that how you think is exactly how everyone else would think as well.
same with love. love is love, but we all feel love differently. did you know that?! I didnt until a few years ago when my friend was having boyfriend challenges and was told about this quiz –> http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ I won’t bore you with the details since they do a much better job of explaining it on that website (Don’t be fooled by the cheesy UI, it’s still worth the read!)
one of the basic things in a relationship is loving the other person, duh. but someone can love you all they want but if you don’t FEEL it, it really is like they’re not loving you at all. so it turns out that we all feel love a bit differently, prioritizing different ways over others. For me, it’s a term they dub “Quality Time”
Quality Time: “In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Whether itʼs spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.”
That’s tough. when you’re long distance, you’re busy, and your significant other is busy.
this will sound completely self-centered and like I’m on my pedestal but I assure you thats not my intention. I dont think I ask for much. in fact, i know i don’t. my standards for this relationship has become so objectively low that I sometimes wonder if it’s healthy. it also scares me a bit, if we can function so well without one another, what will happen when we are togerther in the spring?
today I reached the tip of my point, not quite at the tipping point yet.
for the past week, hes been busy, tired, stressed, and overall not in a good place thanks to work. we barely spoke all week, every day would be some quick texts or gchat messages. he called me one night half asleep and he asked me about my day. which was nice, really nice. BUT before i could even begin to really start to answer, he essentially cut me off and said he was going to bed. why even ask..if you’re not going to listen?
today, we exchanged a few texts throughout the day and he called while I was with a friend grabbing a beer. I always pick up, because we rarely talk and i knew its always brief with him. he told me he was at work but going out later. when i asked who? there was a long pause, turns out he was reading an email from work that he had to respond to asap because apparently its urgent (it always is, and it never is). im bothered because he never seems to have time for me.
and when he does, its on his terms. I told him to not call me unless i had at least 4 minutes of his undivided attention. FOUR minutes. four fucking minutes. yes, thats it. its not really based on anything that happened today, but has built up. if you can remember my love language, quality time, thats really all I want. if you can go out with your friend at night, you can talk to me too.
im tired of it. i asked my friend if he thought two of our bschool friends that met at school would last post-grad. the guy was going into banking, and the girl was not. my friend said yes, because she is well aware of what its like and is well-prepared.
i called BS and pushed back. and i think i have become cynical. I have lost all my patience and it’s sad that I take out my frustrations on my current bf. it could be a lot worse, i definitely feel a lot worse than i come off to him, but I’m also in a weird position where I don’t want him to stress out more than he needs to.
which ALSO makes me angry. p.s. i recently watched gone girl and it is a crazy twisted movie that scares the crap out of me.
this is no way to end an entry and the problem remains. I do wonder if it IS a problem or am I just trying to mask the problem.